The death of the Rocky Mountain News

Today marked the final edition of the Rocky Mountain News. For those unfamiliar, it was one of Denver, Colorado's two daily newspapers.

This twenty-plus minute video is a bit on the long side but also rather captivating.


Final Edition from Matthew Roberts on Vimeo.

Many opinions were expressed in this video but the one that stuck with me is the observation that as life and technology and information moves at the speed of light, are we overlooking the small, tangible things such as the physical newspaper. Are we in danger of losing all things physical? Has the internet devalued everything and, in part, contributed to the current financial situation?

I'm heavily invested in all things online and live with all my technology. I've got more than a few feet of Cat-5 wiring running in my house. My cable modem is always on. My iPod and cell are nearly always on me during the work week. I spend many hours weekly online, not just blogging but also managing a multitude of tasks associated with my daily workflow. The advent on the internet and its rapid growth made my job both easier and more multi-faceted. I've taken on additional tasks, learned more skills than I ever thought necessary just a decade ago and have seen the entire advertising landscape change. Advertising, which drives our ravenous retail economy, recently collapsed on itself (in case you hadn't noticed). Everything essentially spiraled out of control and I think that the devaluation caused by the free online model is at least partially to blame. In inside speak, online journalism can be monetized. It can generate a profit and it can thrive and, in a turnabout, support the physical printed newspaper much as the print operations of today pay plenty of the way for the online presence.

But whatever caused the loss of just one daily newspaper, for some reason, really sticks with me. Everything lives and dies with advertising and another tangible product that had a strong virtual and physical presence was laid to rest.

Be sure to watch the video in its entirety as the seemingly endless credits roll. Those are the hundreds of people who, as of tomorrow, are unemployed because their employer had a rough ride for a year. Things don't turn around in a year. Things don't turn around without some faith in the business you run.

White House Watermelon Email Proves Even Californians are Idiots

Have you heard the one about the White House not having an Easter Egg Hunt this year? Oh, well it's because the Obama family has planted the White House lawn to watermelons. Yep, a black man loves watermelons. Oh, some people are so fucking funny. What, are people that come up with this shit from my in-laws' family?I guess as long as people feel the need to make stupid jokes and have racist relatives this kind of crap will continue. Luckily I never had this sort of influence growing up. I had black friends as far back as elementary school and those two kids felt very much out of place in our ultra-white town. Sad jokes like Barack Obama planting the White House lawn to watermelons make me angry. I know that it's just some inbred hick's attempt at a joke but to dredge up painful stereotypes from many decades ago proves to me that this supposedly enlightened era we are in has a long way to go.

MinnPics is buried in over a half-foot of snow. Check out the photos now!

Wow, it's snowing in MInnesota, everyone panic

Why in the holy hell do Minnesotans rustle themselves up into shear panic when snow starts magically falling from the sky. You'd swear that God himself were shitting cement blocks on us and that hunkering down in the basement was your only safe course of action. Alas, it's just snow.

But then there's the media, as MPR's Bob Collins pointed out, whipping everyone - not just in Minnesota but in the entire country - in to a frenzy. It's a bit of a mystery why The Weather Channel would have a live reporter in St. Paul chronicling what he must view as the end of the world but to the rest of the country let me just say that it is February and this is Minnesota. The temperature is below freezing once again and liquid precipitation turns to a solid state when that happens and the result is SNOW.

Now snow in Minnesota is a rather rare occurence. We only receive 4-5 feet of snow during an average winter. It sucks to clear from driveways, sidewalks, streets, road and even roofs but we're used to it because, well, we get 4-5 feet of snow each year.

Never, though, will I figure out why a typical late-winter snow storm in Minnesota packing - gasp - snow coupled with wind would warrant wall to wall news coverage.

One thing is sure, if I lose sight of the pine tree three feet outside my office window we're all screwed but until then I think we'll be safe. Slow down when driving because it's better to arrive a little bit late than a little bit dead.

Will MinnPics showcase the aftermath of The Storm? You'll just have to check it out to be sure.

How to I.Q. profile retail employees

This entry, from last summer, ties in nicely with yesterday's Walmart rant. I recommend reading it and elaborating about how you shop...

Forgive me, but I was at the local Wal-Mart late yesterday afternoon. Yes, after years of vowing that I wouldn't become a Wal-Mart shopper, I have done just that because the grocery selection in Shakopee sucks. Ever since losing our Rainbow Foods Fresh Store, the only alternative is Cub which contrary to popular belief isn't actually cheap but only presents itself as such.

So, there I was, after 20 minutes of barreling through aisles crowded with the bottom rung of society I had found my way to the checkouts. Yes, it only took me twenty minutes to shop because I actually know what I need when I go grocery shopping unlike these indecisive types who also failed their class in Shopping Cart Etiquette 101 (hug the shelves with your cart and keep moving, fuckers).

The checkouts at Wal-Mart are an adventure. There is always at least one of the Shakopee store's eight express lanes open but these are reserved for folks with less than twenty items. Never mind the fact that the 15 or so people waiting might have a collective I.Q. of 12 based on their overflowing shopping carts containing hundreds of items each.

Another popular choice is the long lines at the self-checkouts. These are not even an option for me because the people ahead of me in the queue line can never manage to successfully scan and bag two items in succession, much less their entire cart-o-crap and then there's the whole matter of a paycheck. They don't pay me to scan and bag my own crap so it's a no go Wally.

That leaves me with the standard checkouts. I believe that the Shakopee Super Wal-Mart is home to no less than 36 checkouts. At peak times, such as 5:10 PM on a Wednesday afternoon, six of them can be found open. Of course this 1:6 ratio isn't entirely pathetic. It could be a 1:12 ratio. The big problem here is that these shoppers, as inbred as the outwardly appear, know how to fan out. They migrate to the "hard goods" side of the checkouts with their carts full of ice cream and juice boxes and stack up eight people deep.

That leaves me scoping out the situation. This is where my patented "checkout employee I.Q. profiling method" is trotted out.

If said checker is sloppily dressed, I pass. If said checker breathing heavily, wedged precariously in the checker cubicle and can be smelled from a distance of ten-plus yards, I pass. What I truly seek out is that one checker who is a fucking machine. The person who is faster than the electronic beeps coming from their register.

Even entering a longer line here will net you a shorter wait time. If Sally the SUV driving Soccer Mom has four screaming children in tow and a cart full of everything from Golden Delicious Apples to zip-up diapers, you still stand to win.

And win I did. This girl running her checkout with the utmost precision and speed rocketed through my purchases. She dragged things across the scanner with fluid precision and bagged them effortlessly. She conversed with me, asked about my day, mentioned her child and husband and I think she even told me her blood type. This girl was good.

Sadly, this interaction at the checkout stand was the high point of my day to that point. And it was at Wal-Mart to boot. I feel dirty having confessed this experience. I still loathe the local shopping 'scene' but has Wal-Mart stepped up their game?

Speaking of stepping up the game, check out the ever-increasing quality of photos from across Minnesota at MinnPics.

The necessary evil of Walmart

Walmart is the bane of my existence. For many of most youthful days, the faroff destination of Walmart seemed so mystical to the young me. The twenty mile trip to the nearest Walmart was a true family affair. So much stuff under one cramped roof. That original Albert Lea store was so awe-inspiring to me that I actually got excited when Mom said we were heading over to Walmart for some shopping.

Later in life, particularly my late-teen years, Target and their ultra-chic stores were more of a draw to me. Again, this meant a 30-plus mile trip because all my sorry hometown had for discount retailers was K-Mart and Shopko. Walmart started its slide to where it stays today. It became uncool to even utter the name of the store.

Then I moved. Walmart was again a twenty-plus mile drive. Really, Apple Valley is nice and all but its Walmart was definitely not a destination.

But then came a Walmart nearby. It was literally on the way home and its far-flung location meant that it wasn't overly busy and with the store being new, it hadn't yet slipped into the typical state of disrepair that seems to identify Walmart stores. The prices on the few items I allowed myself to buy from there made the stop worthwhile.

But just months after the original store opened, they remodeled and expanded into a full-on Supercenter. With that came groceries at low prices. It also brought crowds of people that seemed to have shopped exclusively there for decades. Nevermind the fact that this Walmart Supercenter was just weeks old. I mean I had never seen people like this at any other store. Ever. They tooled around in their motorized carts. Their saddlebags resting comfortably on the fenders of the moto-carts. And if they weren't motoring through the store buying up large quantities of generic cookies and Sam's choice soda they were laborously pushing a overflowing cart squarely down the center of the aisle at a snail's pace with total disregard for others who actually have other obligations.

But I kept going. My income steadily declining to 2000 levels, Walmart saved me money on my essential groceries. Sure, I left the store with unhealthy blood pressure levels but I had saved a few bucks and kept the family fed.

Then came yesterday. With three items in hand almost runing through the store, I sped towards the 27 checkout lanes - three of which were actually open at 4:45 PM. I did my typical intelligence profiling of the employees and made the wise decision to head for the self-checkouts. Big mistake. As I waited behind three people for ten minutes I repeatedly berated myself for omitting the fact that mouth-breathing shoppers are far less effective as checkers than actual checkers.

Needless to say, my old lady was pissed off as she was waiting for me to get home and watch the young 'un so she could to go to the gym.

That, in a not-so-concise story, is why Walmart is a necessary evil.

MinnPics keeps finding truly stunning and creative photos from around Minnesota. Click the link and find out what today's discovery is!

It's time for a baby update

The baby is now 13 weeks old. She has discovered her hands, drools profusely and has decided that it's more fun to sit up than lay down.

On the laying front, she rolled last night. Yep, from her tummy to her back. She used all 13 weeks of bottled up rage to pulll this maneuver off.

Buy me a chef's hat

What's the most logical thing to do at 9 PM on a Thursday night when both you and your wife are crazy-hungry? Make brownies, of course.

That's jsut what I planned on doing as I tore through those cupboards that are too high up to reach from the floor. You know the ones. Hanging precariously from the ceiling above the refrigerator. Perfect for squirreling stuff away that you rarely need and often times forget even existed. I call those cupboards the baking cupboards. They're usually full of a random selection of cake mixes I snatch up with coupons and boxes of brownie mix I find on clearance at Target. This was a surefire thing. Brownies had to exist here.

Except that they didn't. The brownie mix had vanished. Likely mixes into actual brownies, baked, consumed, pooped out and flushed away. I would have to improvise.

That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the Betty Crocker Cooky Book stuffed beside the microwave. Surely I could find some sort of recipe that would tide us over in here.

Bam. Homemade brownies. Sure, my old lady has her own tried and true recipe for homemade brownies from her mom but I'm always up for trying something new. That is, after all, why we have a sex swing. So I dirtied up a corner of the kitchen melting margarine and chocolate chips and stirring the batter together.

35 minutes later, after some cooling time, we had brownies that were the perfect consistency, sweet and chocolatey. I'm still alive today which means that the eggs were fully cooked and free of salmonella and if I can stay awake through the day on the 5 1/2 hours of sleep I got I'll be having a couple more brownies later today.

Hooray for brownies. Now where's my damn chef hat?

If you like food but can't eat it all the time, check out MinnPics. There's photos fo delicious food, scenery, events, animals and more from all over Minnesota.

Is New York Post cartoon racist?

Is this New York Post cartoon racist? Does it depict the police officers shooting Barack Obama? After all, there are still far too many backwoods Americans who throw about derogatory slang terms about blacks.

However, it's free speech but does free speech also cover what some define as hate speech? The line, though, was crossed a few years back with a Muhammed editorial cartoon published in Europe and that led to riots. America is much calmer than that but does this editorial cartoon prove that racism is again going mainstream?

Like any art form, it is open to interpretation and I welcome and am curious about yours.

(h/t)

MinnPics is far less controversial than a racist New York Post cartoon so check out the great photos from around Minnesota!

DQ's not so good deal

Never mind that City Pages, a sorry excuse for local journalism, has already knocked on the door of a Dairy Queen topic. There's more to it that the writer, whose memory may be short, didn't cover. (And yes, their Sweet Deals menu does suck) I'm talking about their cheeseburger deal.

Dairy Queen recently began running television ads featuring two cheeseburgers for $2.99 or two double cheeseburgers for $3.99. It's a solid deal during these financially barren times. Where else could you grab a couple dblchzbrgrs for just shy of four bucks?

How about from Dairy Queen (video of commercial) mere months ago? Yep, their Cheeseburger Lovers deal featured a $2.22/$3.33 offer as recent as this past autumn. I think it even ran into the early winter months (November?).

Yes, the difference is less than a buck but when you're touting a supposedly fabulous deal when the remnants of the previous deal featuring the same food is still rather prominent on your own Facebook page, you might want to either remove that particular video or matching the former sale price. After all, the raw material cost for cheese has dropped dramatically in the past few months. Is honesty thrown out the window in the realm of restaurant marketing?

Am I alone in noticing this or calling DQ out on their dishonest pricing?

Ten gallons of snot

Let's think about snot for a moment.

Alright. Now that you're thoroughly disgusted, let's talk about snot.

Anot seems to be ever-present. Plenty of Americans blow their noses every day. I, for one, am a first-thing-in-the-morning nose blower. Then there are the occasions in which I sneeze. I always do so in series of three. If it doesn't stop at number three, it won't stop until I blow my nose and release the gallon or so of snot which has mysteriously appeared.

Which begs the question: where does that snot come from in such short order? Is my brain melting? Are my lungs slowly filling with the goo-ified toxins that surround me in my daily grind?

And just how much snot does the average person produce in a lifetime? I might be overshooting things but I'm going to say that it's in the ten-plus gallon range. Think of all the times you come down with the average cold. My old lady goes through about four boxes of Kleenexes in the duration of one cold which leads me to believe that, if she gets a cold one per year and she lives to be 85, the ten gallon mark is totally achievable. After all, that amounts to over 40,000 Kleenexes solely for cold relief with a grand total of 1,280 ounces of snot during those approximately 85 colds. That leaves us with merely .03 oz. of snot/Kleenex. Is the number anywhere close to accurate?

I encourage you to examine this for yourself and report back.

In the meantime, check out MinnPics because the photos are great and they'll stimulate your brain and likely slow snot production. A win-win for everyone.

Hey, let's just bury the carbon

Burning coal is dirty business. It's so dirty that our government has decided to invest nearly $100 million in a project to bury carbon.

But carbon is a gas, right?

Yep. But the plan is to pump the sequestered gas far under the surface of the Earth under multiple layers of stone and such. All for the initial price of $84 million for one well about a mile deep.

If it sounds like a rip-off, it's because it is. The cost for one "well" is insane.

It's also rather short-sighted. It's like burying your garbage in your backyard because if it's out of sight, it's out of mind, right?

Well, the problem with carbon, as I understand it, is that it rises. It sounds perfectly fine to bury a few million cubic feet of carbon below where we live but who can guarantee that it will stay in one place? Carbon isn't exactly a roll of quarters. If these short-sighted jackasses weren't aware, gasses have a tendency to move.

Hell, read the article and ask yourself if the plan to bury our waste sounds good. To me it sounds too much like making the planet more of a landfill than it already is.

MinnPics focuses on the good around us. Great photos captured by great photographers in a great state. All Minnesota, all the time! Check it out today!

Dad at 13

When mom is fifteen years old and dad is thirteen, there's a problem. Even more troubling is the fact that dad looks like a proud eight year old peering at his new baby sister.

These British teens, the babyfaced dad Alfie Patten and his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, are now parents of 7lb. 3 oz. Maisie Roxanne. This is the perfect example of what can happen when kids aren't made aware of what can happen if they are stupid enough to have unprotected sex. But that's exactly what they did, and only once, when the now dad was only 12 years old.

To me, this sounds like an American trailer park tale and from the description of the families involved, they may be of the lower rung of British society.

This quote, from daddy Alfie's father, sort of sums it all up...

“I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk. Some may say it’s too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby.”

These kids have now essentially thrown their lives away and it's not because of values-free sex education. The fault here seems to lie squarely with the parents who, one admitted, hadn't had "the talk" with his son and if a fifteen year-old girl doesn't know what can happen when you place tab 'A' into slot 'B' is as close to being a total idiot as one may come.

Kids this age should be rebelling against their parents by staying out late and listening to weird music, playing video games and having fun. However, in our fucked up world, sex happens at a younger and younger age so parents need to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that if your eleven year old daughter is developing breasts, other things are happening too. The same goes for young males. Lay it all out on the table at ten years old. It's going to be awkward for everyone involved but at least you've done your part. Forbidding sex won't work either because forbidden fruit is also the sweetest. Explain what can happen when unprotected sex happens. Explain what protected sex is and how it works. It won't be a simple ten minute conversation but at least the likelihood of your twelve year old son knocking boots and becoming a daddy who doesn't even need to shave is lessened.

Remember, don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

MinnPics is sane and safe and family-friendly. Check out the best photos of the people, places and times in Minnesota now!

How NOT to write a personal ad

Meeting a potential mate online is the cool thing to do but how do you write a personal ad that will attract the opposite sex? Well, it's all about painting a picture with words.

I'll start with what not to say in a personal ad if you're a guy.

********
Single 37 year old male seeks single female. I am 5'6" tall and weigh 347 lbs. My hair is balding, my teeth are stained yellow from drinking four pots of coffee per day and I dress casually -- rarely sporting more than sweatpants and a spaghetti sauce-stained Pong Rules t-shirt. In my spare time I enjoy attending social events such as Star Trek conventions and playing Magic: The Gathering with pepperoni-faced teenagers. I have my own place and my mom respects it when she comes down to the basement to do the laundry. I am currently between jobs and am holding out for an executive position. I enjoy eating frozen pizzas and sharing grape Kool-Aid with my special lady.

********
I can guarantee that this particular guy will not be getting a call any time soon but I give him points for being honest.

Now women, you have it far easier. A female seeking romance in the personals could write the following ad and have hundreds of seekers.

********
Single 37 year old female seeks single ma

********
See how easy that was? It may not deliver the highest quality man but if you prefer quantity over quality you can save your words.

MinnPics is of far higher quality than this post. Tasty photos taken by skilled photographers capturing fabulous scenes across Minnesota. Check it out today.

New logos that annoy me

I've designed plenty of logos that I flat out will not claim as my work. I've been practically sickened by the amount of changes some customers want and angered by how poorly thought out the changes they demanded were. On the other hand, I've done work that was just crap from the get go.

I have to wonder which bucket this newest pair of abominations from PepsiCo falls in to.

Since its launch, Sierra Mist has been straight up shit. For some reason, Pepsi thought they needed a clear, citrusy soda. Well, at least they got the clear part down but the citrus side of things is strangely missing. The first time I had a drink of Sierra Mist, soon after its debut, I thought someone had slipped me a glass of carbonated toilet water. In fact, carbonated toilet water would have been an improvement. This shit lacks any citrusy undertones, overtones, dulcet tones or dial tones.

Then came their new logo.

Apparently Sierra Mist causes blurred vision. A logo is supposed to convey an image of the brand but the only image of the Sierra Mist brand I see is that you'd only drink it if you couldn't see straight. Fail.

Next up is the flagship brand from PepsiCo, Pepsi.

They have this annoying habit of totally reinventing their branding every three years and each time they do so, it looks totally trendy and in tune with the times but the old logos look terribly dated. They each fail to stand the test of time. Not to mention that their brand of cola tastes overly molasses-y and downright sludgy. The newest logo will last about three years before being reinvented, for the princely price of a few million bucks, and traded for a new uber-trendy logo. The Pepsi brand seems almost afraid of becoming iconic and would rather be trendy for a few months every few years. That's what happens when you're playing second fiddle in the cola wars.

The last logo is Butterfinger.

I don't pay lot of attention to the logos of candy bars because I'm out of the candy bar demographic. I don't have the luxury of slipping a few dozen candy bars into mom's grocery cart while waiting in the checkout line at Hy-Vee. Hell, there aren't even any Hy-Vee stores around here. However, I did drop a whopping forty cents on a Butterfinger this past weekend and became flustered when I got back to the car and opened my crispety, crunchety treat.

That fucking candy bar had not one but two logos on it. See...

Why does Nestle, who seems to own about half of the food world, feel the need to plaster their corporate logo on everything they produce? I don't care if Bin Laden Confectionary Company makes Butterfingers. If something tastes good, I'll eat it. A corporate logo on the wrapper won't sway me. In fact, it's been known to make me consider an alternative. And before you think that Nestle is alone in this, Kraft seems to be an even greater offender in this arena. The plaster their logo on every damned thing in grocery stores. It's not a carefully integrated logo, it's exactly the opposite. It's blatantly front and center and it doesn't need to be. Nestle and Kraft, I'm watching you.

If you're looking for something happy and calming, not to mention artistic, check out MinnPics. It's brimming with the greatest photos taken in Minnesota of Minnesota.

Blink 182 back together

Not long ago, I lamented the breakup of pop punk outfit Blink 182. I grew up with this band as I discovered them in high school and their immature lyrics sort of defined a generation. Then in 2004 they unceremoniously broke up to the single of Not Now from their greatest hits album. A video consisting of clips of concert footage and earlier videos definitely signifies the end.




However, after two or three years and each of the three members branching out and having their own mildly successful projects, they announced at last evening's Grammy Awards that the band is back together.




The reason I'm mentioning this is because I'm a huge fan of Blink 182. I'm also mentioning it because two or three years in today's time is equal to about two decades of real time. Now who else do you know in the realm of music that broke up only to re-emerge successfully years later? Well, yeah, The Eagles did it but because their brand of soft 70s rock spanned an entire generation because it was safe enough that it achieved mainstream success. Sure, Blink 182 achieved mainstream pop radio and MTV success in the late 90s thanks to the original American Pie movie but then music changed. Pop punk was out and rap metal was in. Each niche genre had its fifteen minutes but I don't hear the masses clamoring for a Limp Bizkit reunion.

Best of luck Blink 182 but the music biz has changed and while your core group of fans who grew up to your music will likely be interested in a rebirth of the band you'll have to walk a fine line between keeping that core group of fans who will support your new music and attracting additional fans who will grow up with a new generation of Blink 182 tunes.

If my brand of music isn't your thing, maybe photos are. Check out MinnPics for the greatest selection of photos from across the state of Minnesota I've found assembled in one place.

If you don't get it, you're stupid

Digital TV seems to be as impossible to understand for some as finding the clitoris on a woman. Understanding the much-hyped digital TV transition has the stuffed suits who supposedly run the country so worried that they shit-canned the February 17 shut-off date (just under two weeks away) because Americans are idiots.

I guess that the millions of supposedly unprepared citizens missed the barrage of commercials implorng viewers to visit the website or call the toll-free number for answers. Or they can't figure the damn process out because technology scares them. Here's a suggestion: ask for help. Ask your children, ask your neighbor, ask your priest, ask the kid down the street.

It's rather straight-forward but fearing a true revolution with protests in the streets and an overthrow of the government, the pussies in Washington tucked their tails between their legs and catered to the mindless, mouth-breathing masses and allowed them to delay their ignorance about digital TV another four months - this time until June 12.

All this does is delay the inevitable. The American public are a bunch of procrastinators. We pay our bills late or two minutes before midnight on the due date. We can't figure out that lines at stores on the weekend before Christmas will be long . We file our taxes on April 15 and choose to wait in long lines at the post office because we love delaying the inevitable.

I, for one, can't wait to see the dumbfounded look on every slack-jawed cousin-fucker in trailerparks across America when they wake up at 11 AM on June 13 and find nothing but snow on their televisions. Ah, vindication is a sweet dessert.

It's Inventory Reduction Clearance time!!!

Like anyone else, the economy is taking its toll on me. We've seen stores going out of business across the country. I took advantage of the Steve & Barry's in Burnsville, Minnesota shutting its doors to get my hands on 80 or so wooden hangers for 20 cents each. Earlier in the month of December I scoped out the bankrupt Linens 'n Things but found only odds and ends that they were unable to bargain on. Everyone's doing it. The jewelry store in Burnsville Center where my wedding band came from recently went out of business after about 6 months of inventory reduction/store closing sales. So much for them standing behind that lifetime warranty.

Even blogs aren't safe. I have a glut of inventory and no takers (or time) to move it out the doors. So I'm announcing today my very own inventory reduction sale. Every topic must GO!!! I've got old topics, new topics, odd topics, stupid topics. Express your interest in the topic(s) of your choice and I'll hand it over - no questions asked!!!

Is this the end? Will A Day in the Life be shutting its doors? Will this sale save my business model and pull me out of the dire financial situation I find myself in?

Whatever the case, MinnPics is actually adding inventory each day. Quality, American-made photos that you can believe in because they are hand-picked and captured by the best of the best. Visit today!

Village Voice Media scamming "the system"

Before I get too "inside baseball" here, Village Voice Media owns alt-weeklies across the country including City Pages right here in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis/St. Paul and any credit for breaking their essential scamming of Digg goes to The Deets.

However, after reading Ed's investigative piece at The Deets first thing this morning, I've done some digging (no pun intended) on the subject for myself.

The web "geniuses" at the various VVM properties across the country had to think that eventually someone would put the pieces together and when City Pages publisher Kevin Hoffman bragged about almost inachievable traffic increases in the past couple months, something smelled fishy.

I know that traffic doesn't grow at those rates through organic measures. I can also attest (at MinnPics) that one quality Stumble can blow the roof off one's traffic. However, it dies off just as quickly as it arrived. That's where the real value in building an organic base of readers comes in. They keep coming back because they like what they are reading. I've had insane traffic bumps on here because people incessantly Google related topics (think camel toe, nipples and olympics) and they kept coming back. To me that proves having valuable keywords is far better than sinking huge amounts of paid time into an internal Digg/Reddit/StumbleUpon/Newsvine/Mixx.

Lastly, gaming the system like Village Voice Media is doing devalues the entire online ad market. As if things didn't suck enough in trying to transition print dollars to online dollars, some greedy suits at VVM get exposed on a national level and could end up essentially ruining the livelihood of thousands of Americans.

While it's okay to Digg your own content, conspiring with others to reciprocate Diggs is clearly wrong. Call it Diggwhoring but City Pages and VVM just got busted.

Is anal rejuvenation far off?

Some of the procedures that have been created in the field of plastic, cosmetic or reconstructive surgery are downright weird.

The one that popped into my head is one of the more recent procedures that seems to be purely a Hollywood thing. That procedure is vaginal rejuvenation. Yep, vaginal rejuvenation (Google it yourself, folks). I can understand that things can become rather stretched during childbirth or extreme sexual activities but with the proper exercises, the vagina can be toned close to its previous condition. While I'm aware that some things simply won't return to normal and that age takes its toll, vaginal rejuvenation seems to be the most vain of procedures.

The thing that made me intrigued even more about vaginal rejuvenation is that I'm unclear about what the procedure involves. It is like detailing a car? Does the dust, salt and sand get graveled out and will you get a fresh spritz of air freshener? The new car scent is a favorite if this is remotely close to the actual procedure. The clean scent is enough to make one realize that the smell is clean but it isn't overpowering. Much like a fresh spring morning, maybe this is what a newly rejuvenated vagina needs.

Above and beyond vaginal rejuvenation, I have to wonder is the next trendy cosmetic surgery procedure is anal rejuvenation. After years of eating whatever the hell you wanted and pushing hard and whatever else you do to or with your anus, maybe anal rejuvenation isn't so bizarre after all. I imagine a hot iron to steam out any wrinkles or a hot towel treatment to revitalize the area. Maybe even some procedure dangerously close to a surgical mask-clad Asian lady digging away at your cuticles or sanding away the dead skin from your rough heels. After all, the anal area can certainly be subject to some abuse and removing that old, dead skin is necessary and probably a part of the anal rejuvenation process.

Am I far off here or dead on? What other procedures would you incorporate into the anal rejuvenation procedure?

There is no ass talk on MinnPics. Instead, it's a haven of unique and stunning photography from around Minnesota. Check out the fresh photos today!

Crazy octuplet mom to sell story for $2 million

One thng both sticking in my craw (ouch) and dominating the news as of late is that crazy bitch in California who gave birth to octuplets. It seemed like a touching story. At first. Then came the information about her already having six kids. Six plus eights equals fourteen; if you're counting.

Then the fact that this woman (Nadya Suleman) wanted to keep her identity secret. It seemed suspicious. But wait a couple days and some dumbass magazine is willing pony up $2 million for the exclusive rights to her story.

Well, I'll save you the hassle of dropping $3.50 for a copy of People and spoil the story. This divorced mother of six now living with her parents because of bankruptcy is also characterized as mentally unstable. Even her mother characterized her as "obsessed with children".

The real problem here is that modern medicine allower her to receive fertility treatments even though she had no present fertility problems. Did those treatments include a sperm donor or did this crazy woman find some random guy to sex her up old school style too in an effort to complete her bizarre plan?

I, for one, can't wait to support her little army of kids via my tax dollars because she is "obsessed with children". Someone needs to physically remove her uterus before she spawns any more kids to further satisfy her obsession.

On a kinder and more sane note, MinnPics is home to great photography and devoid of any obsessions, except bacon.