If tomorrow is Spring, why is today Summer?

The calendar says that tomorrow is the official start of Spring but thanks to some unseasonably warm weather (it was officially 81 degrees here yesterday -- in the supposed frozen wasteland of Minnesota) it's been spring here for a couple weeks. While I am personally grateful for our nearly absent winter after last winter's 90"+ of snowfall and subsequent spring flooding, I am also thankful that it finally rained. Like I said, while the lack of snowfall was awesome after back-to-back brutal winters, the lack of moisture -- basically since late last August -- was a bit disconcerting. My dad is a farmer and while I haven't seen him truly worry about weather conditions since about 1993 he was openly worried about the lack of moisture.

"I've never actually seen my drainage ditch totally dry." Yeah, that was the topic of conversation as our extended family celebrated Thanksgiving at my parent's farm last year. Of course I got to see the barren drainage ditch firsthand as he insisted that we drive down through the field and look at his rather impressive bridge he had built across the now pointlessly wide open drainage ditch. "Yeah, 15 truckloads of cement and a few hundred feet of re-bar is all it took."

We peered down into the vast chasm. "The neighbor," as he pointed to the east, "came over to help me reinforce the forms. They didn't even begin to blow out."

"Yeah, but how long has it been since there was water deep enough here to make something like this stone monolith necessary? I've seen lesser bridges on state highways."

I asked and joked, totally knowing the answer already.

"With all that snow melting so fast last Spring it almost washed the whole thing out again. And it is better than the bridge over on 34 that washed out a couple years ago."

I know how it is. I grew up there. I worked on the farm. I helped pick up rocks. I helped clear 70 year-old trees which were falling into the ditch bank. I watched as my parents patched in drainage tile after losing crops to ponding water. I like to joke about things because that's where my dad and I are different. My friends joke that I am a carbon copy of my dad but I am all about coming up with the next joke. My wife knows it, my mom knows it and while my dad doesn't always laugh, he gets it too.

And maybe after our first Spring storm of the winter months (huh?) there might be some water in my dad's precious temple to modern farm drainage to necessitate his shining example of modern concrete construction but I'm guessing that it's still a bit overbuilt for a half inch of rain.

Daylight saving time must be coming soon

As I woke up this morning the only thing I could think of was when exactly does daylight saving time begin? I know it used to fall on the first weekend of April because there was one year when we stayed up drinking all night so we would be awake for a super-early round of disc golf bright and early on a somewhat warm Sunday morning but we ended up going to breakfast instead. All told, the plan was obviously flawed but we at least made the effort to follow through with it.

But a few years ago the dates for the beginning and end of daylight saving time were adjusted. It started a few weeks earlier -- moving the time change into March, and ended a week later so finally Halloween would be a nighttime event like it was meant to be.

The amount of sunlight this morning, though, made me think that daylight saving time had to be near. Hell, I even heard a few birds chirping. Maybe that's because we've experienced virtually no winter this year here in Minnesota or maybe it's because it is legitimately sunny when I wake up now but I'm looking forward to the impending time change because, for some reason, I actually prefer getting ready for my day when it is still dark outside. Maybe it's the inner creeper in me or maybe it's just less jarring to wake up to darkness and let the light come on slowly via the rising sun.

Anyhow, daylight saving time has to be coming soon. Maybe it's St. Patrick's Day weekend. I'll find out soon enough because I bet it will be the top news story on the TV as s ome dopey anchor jokes about springing forward or being late for everything on the following day. Dopes.

Just another Minnesota snowstorm

When I crawled out of bed early Sunday morning, I was surprised. Why? I was surprised that it wasn't already snowing. The weather terrorists down by the Iowa border (I was playing poker with some friends on Saturday) were in high gear pimping out the tragic details (ice, loss of electricity, 30 foot drifts, flying cows, etc.) of the impending snowstorm poised to barrel into the area around midnight.

Imagine my surprise then on Sunday morning when I peered out from the second floor of my grand estate to see not a single flake. I quickly blurted out that this was another miss from the weather terrorists. As I've said all winter, I'll believe it when I'm shoveling it.

I went about my day but soon I was proven wrong as the snow began falling. By late afternoon I ventured outside and began shoveling the entire length of the driveway. 45 minutes later it was somewhat clear but I knew, based on how fast the snow was falling, that I'd be revisiting this hellish driveway once again. After all, the city had only plowed my driveway shut once, they had at least two more times in them if not more.

Again around 8 PM I donned my snow gear and made a second, less complete effort at clearing the snow. Feeling like I was made of cooked spaghetti, I wasn't really feeling it. My heart wasn't in it and I just wanted to magically wish the snow away but after that failed I returned to my trusty shovel. This time there was a mere 4 or 5 inches as opposed to the 10 inches I encountered a few hours earlier. In a half-assed attempt, I made two semi-clear tracks through the snow, heaved the snowplow-induced drift out of the end of the driveway and in less than 30 minutes I was back inside to shed yet another pair of snow-encrusted jeans and finally relax. I knew that morning would test me yet again and I had no desire to even ponder what magical moments would await me come sunrise.

But after I popped my contact lenses in I noticed that it had virtually stopped snowing overnight. Had we really escaped with a mere 15 or so inches of new snow? I quickly backed my car from the garage and eventually made it to the grand highway.

That's where it became apparent to me that MNDOT was treating today (Presidents Day) as a holiday. As the majority of the country got to stay home, I still had to venture into the office. U.S. Highway 169 presented itself more as a rutted 1890s country road than a four-lane expressway. The loose snow was cleared, thankfully, but the ruts from the hard packed snow made my car handle like I was driving through a rock-filled ditch or the worst stretches of the Oregon Trail. My teeth clanked on each other and various items in and on my car rattled relentlessly. This was like some poorly thought out amusement park ride (maybe Toothchipper: The Experience!) but based on the number of cars I encountered it was still obviously a highway.

Whatever the case, I still arrived but I know too that MNDOT will have that same highway in pristine condition because that's just how it is here in Minnesota. It snows a foot and a half and 18 hours later the roads are mostly driveable and life returns to normal. So next time it snows 18 inches in some exotic locale like Indianapolis or Oklahome City just remember that it is not news. It happens and we move on.

Weather terrorists make little kids puke

Last night there was a story on the WCCO 10 PM news about a little girl who was so scared of severe weather - even a passing dark cloud during an otherwise sunny day - who would get so worked up that she would vomit. Her fear of weather is so intense that she spends all day every day indoors. It was a rather sad story but I also felt angry while watching it.

I'm not a child psychologist but that level of fear has to come from somewhere. While the parents seemed rather normal, I am always ready to pin the blame on the parents. I'm guessing that one of the parents is a panicky Pete and plops down on the couch (or paces nervously while whiel taking breaks to peer out the window at the clouds in the distance) during severe weather coverage and gets borderline obsessed during the wall-to-wall weather coverage of channels 4, 5, 9 and 11 when the bad weather rolls through the Twin Cities.

I'm not perfect either but we've gone as far as taking our daughter out on the front porch and letting her watch the weather. She shows no reaction whatsoever to house-shaking thunder and the only time she has ever showed a reaction is when the cat jumped in to her crib during a severe storm and woke her up. She muttered the word "cat" to tell us what happened and was back to sleep in a few minutes.

Back to the WCCO story, though. The worst part, and the moment that should have made the main fear culprit instantly obvious to a few hundred thousand WCCO news viewers, was silver fox Don Shelby throwing things to meteorologist Chris Shaffer. He actually said something to the effect of "there's probably going to be more big boomers tomorrow, another severe weather day..." with Shaffer then beginning to whip up the weather fear.

I get it, the severe storms around her have sucked this summer. It's been worse than many previous years but the only thing that seems to get more news coverage is an oil slick covering the Gulf of Mexico or the election of our first black president. For whatever reason, weather equals TV ratings but with obsessive parents who should show their kids early on that even severe weather isn't anything to puke over, the media needs to sometimes take a step back and ask themselves whether or not the weather they are covering is truly as ominous and scary as they make it out to be. It's really a case of them trying too hard all too often.

Toddlers love ice - too much

Last night it hailed a bit at our house. That happens when the entire state is blanketed in end-of-the-world darkness that is typical with late-spring severe thunderstorms and the dozens of tornadoes we were cursed with here in Minnesota. In typical dumbass fashion, I waited until the rumble of thunder was steady to drag my after-work ass out to the garage and make room in the project-filled single stall death trap of a structure work the wife's crossover (SUV). My car, however, would have to linger curbside and pray to the gods that it survives without hail damage for the second time.

But as I said earlier, it hailed. Not a whole lot but enough for me to panic and slide my sandals on and run full speed from the front porch to the street and give my car the shelter of a Maple tree to ride out the storm. I didn't get a chance to inspect my sexy black beauty this morning as my old lady took it to work before I even crawled out of bed but the real story here is about my daughter.

The 19 month-old terror that she is wanted to go outside and see why dad was outside and she wasn't. After the worst had passed, we ducked outside to grab a few hailstones. I, of course, had to snap a photo and relate the hailstone's size to a quarter (the hail was larger) and after I had taken the photo, The Youngling grabbed the piece of ice and was instantly happy.

Until it melted. That's when the breakdown happened. I've never seen anyone of any age so utterly distraught over the melting of ice. It was sort of funny to me but also maddening and a little deafening because she expresses herself only three ways -- giggling, cryling and hysterically crying. But last night she took it to a whole new level and added a fourth form of expression. Hysterically screaming with intermittent fits of stomping wildly.

Somewhere, deep inside, I was laughing but this sort of behavior -- at least from a kid -- isn't tolerated. So we stepped in to action and tried to calm the situation but once a toddler's hailstone melts, there is no place for calming. The only cure for a loss as great as a piece of ice is time. And in due time, she calmed down enough to move on from that tragic loss.

If you want to see photos of the storms which swept through much of Minnesota, check out MinnPics.

I want my Minnesota River crossings back

I'll preface this by saying that I'm thankful - even with my proximity to a severely flooded Minnesota River - that my house is dry. Not even a drop of moisture in my basement which, based on my daughter's reaction, is a terribly scary place. My gripe today centers around the highways which usually give us a safe and effective crossing across that very river.

For whatever reason, though, these highways - some after even multiple reconstructions - weren't raised above flood levels which now place them under water for weeks at a time. Did you know that right now you can cross the Minnesota River at only one place between LeSueur and Bloomington. That's a 50 mile stretch of river dividing the state with one viable river crossing at this time. That hampers commerce, commuters and business in general.

My commute, as these crossings closed, went from about 30 minutes to an hour. It's a hassle, sure, but at least my house is dry and we can still get to most places we need to. But those highways, why weren't they reconstructed to remain passable during floods like the one we're currently experiencing. If built properly, a road above current flood levels would also act as a levee to add some control to the flood waters and it wouldn't result in such a pain in the ass for thousands of drivers who are dealing with my predicament on a daily basis.

Was there no forward vision after what many viewed to be the ultimate flood in 1965? And when it happened again in 1993 did state officials not notice a damn pattern developing? Wow, the same roadways are flooding but it's 3-5 feet of water. To me, 3-5 feet of additional height - especially through already disturbingly low areas - isn't an obstacle or a safety issue, it makes sense to add this additional height to these vital highways.

I'm not pretending to be a highway engineer - even though I do know my way around Legos - but wouldn't the cost of rebuilding even half of the currently closed river crossings across the Minnesota River when their time for reconstruction comes make financial sense? Or are we so fucked as a country that looking forward costs too much and we should even think twice about affording tomorrow?

If you like to see photos of what is flooded, check out MinnPics. It's a wealth of stunning photos from both dry and wet corners of Minnesota.

The idiocy of Minnesota's schools

My day began in the small Minnesota River Valley city of LeSueur. Of course I had to drive there to begin with which sucked but driving back to my office in the metro sucked much more than I can even begin to describe here.

I busied myself, trapped behind a three-wide MNDot snowplow assault on U.S. Highway 169 for 20+ miles, by endlessly scanning through the FM radio dial. Stopping at one point, I heard a Mankato FM station (Hot 96.7) rattling off a few school closings. I was on the road heading back to my office between 9 and 10 AM and the majority of these school early releases being aired were before noon.

Assuming that most schools begin between 8 and 9 AM, this boils down to a nice half-day for kids in many parts of outstate Minnesota. The confusing part was that more than a few of these early closings were around 9:30 AM! Yeah, that means that after the wheels on the bus went 'round and 'round on roads that were already fairly shitty, they have to turn around 90 minutes later and slip and slide down barely visible country roads to take the little brats back home.

What the hell changed so much in a mere 90 minutes to change the mind of school administrators in these mainly small towns? Did the near-whiteout conditions become a total whiteout? Did they actually listen to a weather forecast and hear the part about another 6 or so inches of snow falling throughout the day complete with some wind to further fuck up the already sketchy situation?

The point is that these schools get at least some money for bringing the kids in to the buildings for even a partial day. And some money for the day is better than none. But isn't the safety of kids, which these school are entrusted with, the highest priority? Shouldn't safety trump money any day of the week? What happens when someone makes a bad call and sends the kids home too late and a bus rolls over on an icy, unplowed road and all 38 kids die? Wouldn't it have been a better call to keep the kids home if the weather already sucked before sunrise and was predicted to keep getting worse as the day dragged on? And, really, how many schools a mere one county south of the Twin Cities will actually stick it out and keep the kids in class for a full day?

But all of the Winter weather makes for interesting photos at MinnPics. Check out the stunning photos of Minnesota today!

Shopping and the weather in Minnesota

Sadly, my weekend plans involve shopping at some point. And by shopping, I mean sitting in the car while my old lady meanders through a variety of stores that hold absolutely no interest to yours truly. I don't mind shopping - if I'm by myself but if it's my old lady stopping every twelve feet to him and haw over something that's the polar opposite of what we set out to purchase - then we have a problem.

As of this past week, the weather, too, threw a bit of a wrench in to the relative ease of shopping. It's to be expected, each year the sudden change (read: snow) in the weather catches us off guard. I was hoping to push through to late January with a snowless winter so I wouldn't have to buy new tires for the car I inherited from my old lady. That didn't pan out with the somewhat unexpected showfall that blanketed the state earlier this week. With that came cold weather. Weather cold enough that stepping outside and trudging through a packed parking lot while dodging inconsiderate assholes who can't even be troubled to crane their necks backward before backing out of their parking spot at Mach 5 speed is a pain to say the least.

Factor in me pushing a stroller complete with a little girl who's still screaming because she is paying me back for strapping her in to her car seat through those earlier-mentioned parking lots which I forgot to mention are half-plowed at best and you can see why I have opted more and more to, like my dad, sit in the car while either waiting impatiently and scanning the radio dial or napping. More and more in this area I am turning in to my dad - bushy gray sideburns and bi-focals can't be far off now.

But what really chaps my ass is the fact that the closest reprieve from this fabulous, toe-numbing weather is about four months off. Throw in the forecast that I noticed for Saturday and you have a recipe rife for my head blowing completely off. See that shit?!? A LOW of 15 degrees - not entirely intolerable as I'm beginning to adjust to having permanently cold feet but that precipitation - a WINTRY MIX. How is that even possible? It's going to be a whopping fifteen degrees. That's an entire 17 degrees below freezing. A wintry mix? What? That's the kind of crap that makes me want to move to either Arizona or Canada. On one hand, you'd never have to deal with that crap - on the other hand the drivers in Canadia are so used to it that it wouldn't even phase them. But in the end I'll stick it out because I really don't plan on pushing a stroller through an asshole-filled parking lot anytime soon and with my new tires getting to work suddenly got a bit easier.

Now if only we can dodge that chance of a wintry mix on Saturday night. Oh, did I mention that it's a whoppingly-huge 20% chance? Which means that there's an 80% chance it WON'T happen? Why even mention it? Hell, on any given day there's a 20% chance I'll accidentally put on my old lady's panties while getting dressed but I don't post that prediction on a website - well until now.

Rather than complain about the weather constantly, I also, at time, revel in it. Check out the latest photos of Minnesota at MinnPics.

Tornado hits Minneapolis

Alright, in all seriousness it appears that an actual tornado did touch down (briefly) in Minneapolis. This sort of bizarre weather is usually reserved for June and usually in Oklahoma but this is the midwest and it can happen here from March thru early November. And there are photos. Tons of photos. MinnPics unearthed some of the damage shortly after touchdown and even the actual twister crossing I-35W around the Lake St. area in Minneapolis.

Tornado hits Austin, Minnesota

If no new is good news, I'll take it at its face value. That's how I'm thinking after hearing about the tornado that touched down in my old hometown of Austin, Minnesota last night. I actually knew nothing about it until my parents called and I saw a rather quick and sketchy report on last night's 10 PM news on KSTP.

I've seen Facebook posts from friends in Austin so I can gather that they are alright but when a tornado hits the place where you used to live, it gives you a whole new respect for the power of Mother Nature. On the other hand, last night marked the first tornado of the year in Minnesota. A late, but powerful, start to the severe weather season. Check out the photo gallery from the Austin Daily Herald.

The other Austin, Minnesota area media outlets have some decent coverage as well...
KAAL-TV story photos more photos, Rochester Post Bulletin, KIMT-TV

The main area of damage is apparently in the northern edge of the city with damage in the city's industrial park, the Winddrift Lounge, Todd Park and businesses in Mapleview.

And check MinnPics later because I'm sure I'll unearth some storm photos later in the day.

The thought purge - item 7

Weathermen suck. It was supposed to be mostly cloudy today. I see blue sky above my window. Weatherman FAIL.

The world needs more tornado movies

I came to this not-so-brilliant realization last Thursday before I fell asleep shortly after 9 PM while watching Twister on TBS. The tornado movie is a highly underserved cinema genre. We've had dozens of movies about vampires (the recent Twilight movie comes to mind) and movies about storms in general such as the rather shitty The Day after Tomorrow and one from the 90s about a shit-ton of rain but in 15-plus years we haven't had another tornado movie.

Oh, sure, Sci-Fi had the less-than-brilliant Atmoic Twister starring Zak from Saved by the Bell. I don't even need to explain the ridiculous premise for that flick. It sucked because it seemed to unfold in real time and anyone from Canada to Texas knows that tornados do not take two hours to strike. You may have twenty minutes but nobody knows for sure if it wil or won't strike the area's nuclear power plant. The whole movie was flawed but because it was winter in Minnesota and it was Sunday, I sat through the whole damn thing a couple weekends ago. Rather than change the channel, I had to watch. I felt compelled to see how truly terrible Atomic Twister was going to be and you know what, I wasn't let down. It was truly an abortion on the small screen. But it set the wheels in motion for my realization that we need more tornado movies. Whether they be absurd, comical, dramatic or pornographic in nature it's a weather phenomenon who's time has come.



Minnesota's storm season is just around the corner and MinnPics had cool storm photos last year and there will be new ones this year too!

Wow, it's snowing in MInnesota, everyone panic

Why in the holy hell do Minnesotans rustle themselves up into shear panic when snow starts magically falling from the sky. You'd swear that God himself were shitting cement blocks on us and that hunkering down in the basement was your only safe course of action. Alas, it's just snow.

But then there's the media, as MPR's Bob Collins pointed out, whipping everyone - not just in Minnesota but in the entire country - in to a frenzy. It's a bit of a mystery why The Weather Channel would have a live reporter in St. Paul chronicling what he must view as the end of the world but to the rest of the country let me just say that it is February and this is Minnesota. The temperature is below freezing once again and liquid precipitation turns to a solid state when that happens and the result is SNOW.

Now snow in Minnesota is a rather rare occurence. We only receive 4-5 feet of snow during an average winter. It sucks to clear from driveways, sidewalks, streets, road and even roofs but we're used to it because, well, we get 4-5 feet of snow each year.

Never, though, will I figure out why a typical late-winter snow storm in Minnesota packing - gasp - snow coupled with wind would warrant wall to wall news coverage.

One thing is sure, if I lose sight of the pine tree three feet outside my office window we're all screwed but until then I think we'll be safe. Slow down when driving because it's better to arrive a little bit late than a little bit dead.

Will MinnPics showcase the aftermath of The Storm? You'll just have to check it out to be sure.

Is "black ice" a racial thing?

After watching one segment of the FOX9 Morning News during breakfast, it would seem that they are attempting to portray Minnesota's cold weather battle against black ice to be racial in nature.

Was it just a coincidence that the reporter freezing her ass off outside the FOX9 studios near Interstate 494 was black? Is it some sort of conspiracy that the salt used to counteract the black ice is white?

It seems that this is another case of black versus white and the white man being led to believe that anything black should be feared. I, for one, will not stand for this injustice. Who's with me?

If racial equity is too much to handle today and you'd rather think of something warm, check out MinnPics and peruse the archives for warmer memories of days gone by.