Christmas comes AFTER Thanksgiving

It's apparently Christmas. I found this out yesterday as I sprinted through the local Target store for a bag of cat food. I realized it was Christmas yesterday, November 2nd, because Christmas had relentlessly vomited across from the general area of the pet supplies. Christmas had vomited so much, in fact, that it was running in to the area where the Halloween candy and remaining costumes had been relegated to. I knew it was coming because after the back-to-school supplies disappeared in the second week of September a back-wall aisle popped up entirely full of Christmas goods.

Yes, Christmas had in fact been lurking inside the walls of Target since early September and I hate that.

It's not that I hate Christmas. Entirely the opposite, in fact. I love Christmas. My house is that house during the month of December. I deck it out classily in white Christmas lights and a Santa's Village scene because it makes kids smile and I don't mind freezing my ass off dragging all of that stuff out from the basement each year. I just don't display all of my Santa-riffic goodnes suntil an appropriate time. The day after Thanksgiving. In case retailers and shoppers everywhere have forgotten, Thanksgiving celebrates the day that the pilgrims and Native Americans sat down and shared a bountiful meal in celebration of the year's harvest. We celebrate it on the final Thursday of November. Then the next day we feverishly plow full-on in to Christmas mere hours later but at least Thanksgiving gets its moment in the spotlight.

Well, at least it used to. I can understand and even tolerate retailers having Christmas displays up shortly after Halloween. It's big business and those advertising dollars that retailers spend keep my bills paid. But if we can find time to recognize such stupid crap as Administrative Professionals Day then Thanksgiving deserves its own space and time without being whored up by the commercialism that is Christmas.

That means no Christmas music - no matter what - before Thanksgiving dinner is over.
Don't turn your Christmas lights on until the day after Thanksgiving.
Decorate the inside of your house whenever you damn well please but be aware that others will ridicule you for having garland and tinsel adorning your home on November 10th.
Keep indoor Christmas decor away from windows visible from outdoors until after Thanksgiving.
Turn off outdoor and dismantle indoor Christmas displays by January 2nd. A grace period of three days is available if you partied like it was 1999 on New Year's Eve.

All I'm saying is that holidays don't overlap. Keep them separate and if KOOL 108 or Lite FM start spinning Christmas music this year before Thanksgiving is over I am going to drive to their respective studios (closets with a computer inside) and smash that Christmas computer into tiny bits fit for decorating the station's Christmas tree.

I also promise to keep MinnPics seasonally appropriate. The photos of Minnesota will always be pleasant and compelling and rarely induce anger.

The tale of the $1.56 jeans

We all know that times are tough. It's especially evident when in the course of one day I lose the match portion of my 401(k) and Chrysler plans to file for bankruptcy. But even during tough economic times, it's still not socially acceptable to stroll about without pants.

That is why, as I rushed through Target yesterday to get a package of diapers which will soon be full of pee and poop, I stopped to scope out what sort of trendy threads were on clearance in the store's men's department.

It's a little know fact that I can never have enough denim. I wear jeans at least five days a week. It's a perk of my job that I haven't yet had to sell my soul and sport dress pants and I like at least that part. Comfortable and stylish jeans are hard to come by. Levi's, in general, suck in both departments. Even though they are manufactured in China, they are still tops in quality. The best part about Target is that they sell a made-just-for-them label of Levi's that are actually more stylish than standard off-the-rack Levi's at JC Penney or Kohl's stores.

I rummaged through a small pile of denim which was a mix of Mossimo, Merona and Levi's jeans and grabbed three pairs - one of each brand - all in my size.

The first one, Merona, were too loose.

The second pair, Mossimo, were too tight.

The third pair, Levi's, were just right.

(and if you're wondering my size, it's 33/34x34 - no, I'm not square)

I don't have to elaborate any more on this painfully boring story to tell you that the Levi's were 75% off the 75% off price bringing them down to the price of a 20 oz. bottle of soda - $1.56. When the hell was the last time you paid under two bucks for an actual brand name item of clothing?

Why go to a museum when you can see photos of the same quality at MinnPics? Go. Now. Or a kitten will die.

Consumer Corner tip: Target

If you like food (and let's face it, we all need food) and like something that at least appears healthy, check out the deal I found at Target.

Select varieties of Quaker granola bars (chewy, etc.) are on sale for a mere $2.00 per 10 pk. box. If you buy five boxes (and ten bucks for fifty healthy snacks is a relative bargain these days) you get a $5.00 Target gift card at the register for future use.

Thanks to that bargain, I now have 50 tasty Quaker chewy granola bars in my cupboard that I may or may not share with my old lady. And I essentially paid a dime a piece. Not a bad deal. Thanks Target for having sale prices that nearly beat your house brands (the Market Pantry granola bars were $1.84/box).

The deal runs through Saturday, March 21st.