I watch too much TV

Momentum. It's all about forward progress, right? Well, what happens when you break that momentum?

The best people to ask would be the television executives of America. In some of my daily reading I do to prep for my TV blog I came across the story about "Fringe" on Fox airing its final episode of the year tonight. The show will then return January 14 for four episodes then go on hiatus again until April 1. Factor in, too, that "Fringe" took a three or so week break back in October for baseball coverage and that adds up to three rather lengthy hiatus periods.

The model of stretching 20-24 episodes from mid-September to mid-May doesn't work. My math says that adds up to about 36-37 weeks of the calendar year - leaving 12-17 weeks open. At the large end of that spectrum, that leaves enough weeks to air a full (but somewhat short) season of a second entirely different series. Sure, it would cost a fair amount of money to do so but wouldn't well-written, well-acted, original (and hopefully scripted) programming play out better than repeats and wouldn't airing all of the episodes of any given show in succession better satisfy fans and lead to a more intense fan base?

While "Lost" on ABC may not be the best example, the producers and executives finally figured out that a somewhat shorter season and a definitive endpoint to the series would satisfy fans and only serve to intensify the fandom of the series. "Lost" airs its episodes in succession without repeats or breaks and it works because it builds momentum and excitement. Viewers and their short attention spans don't forget about the plot because the show airs every week at the same time with no breaks for viewers to forget the plot. It also frees up half of the year in that particular timeslot for ABC to air other programming. It allows ABC to experiment to a certain degree with what may or may not work in terms of programming and scheduling. It's partly the reason why ABC has experienced a rebirth of sorts in the past decade.

The exact opposite reason is why NBC has fallen deep in to the shitter. They routinely have shows on hiatus for weeks at time - and viewers not only forget the storyline of the show but also forget that it even exists. That forgetfulness shows, too. The only shows I religiously tune in to on NBC are their Thursday comedies. They've improved this year over last year and it's become appointment viewing for me. But that's the exception for me.

I prefer the continuous scheduling model but I'm curious what others think. Do you care or have you given up and switched what TV watching you do to cable channels?

If you want visual stimulation, check out the killer photos of Minnesota on MinnPics.

It cures heartburn or ass pain?

Last night I saw a commercial for a poorly named product. It was called Aciphex. Say that in your head a couple times then say it aloud. Aciphex. Now think to yourself what this product would be used for.

My question to marketers is this: When you develop a name for a product, do you do some research about how people perceive the potential name(s) of said product?

Of course, my immediate reaction to the product Aciphex was boisterous laughter. It sounded too much like "Asseffects" to me from the living room-adjacent dining room and that is not good marketing but it's good for a laugh.



See how one could become confused with an utterly ridiculous product name like Aciphex (Asseffects)? My suggestion for anyone - cottage industries to Fortune 500 conglomerates - is to rigorously evaluate product names with a wide swath of the population because based on the YouTube comments for this commercial I am definitely not alone in finding the name both hilarious and tragic. Sure, when it's neatly spelled out it becomes clear that Aciphex is for relief of acid reflux or indigestion but when the name is just spoken it sounds like just another solution for ass-related problems.

And if you like bad products - check out some of my own real-life variations from last year.

Yep, while things here take a dive towards juvenile humor, MinnPics keeps it classy with a wide variety of Minnesota photos updated daily - check it out now!

The art of winter driving

Face it - winter driving isn't easy. Especially if you're a Minnesotan. The crippling fear. The clenched white knuckles. The tense arms straining to hold the wheel steady. The soiled underwear from even the slightest unpredicted movement of your car as snow flakes wander aimlessly across the highway. The headache from seeing an endless stream of brake lights. It makes for a universally shitty day.

But why does it make for such a craptastic day? Why do even a few flurries turn us all into crippled invalids unable to drive even half of the speed limit?

It all boils down to varying levels of stupidity. There is the stupid driver creeping along at 25 miles per hour on the freeway. Then there's the stupid driver screaming like a bullet at 70 miles per hour on a two lane county road. There has to be some sort of happy medium between those two extremes. If not, I suppose that there's always the possibility that one (or both) will receive the Darwin Award.

But now that the snow seems to have ended outside my window, we've been given a reprieve. But we all know that there's a day coming - a perfect storm - when it will be snowing at 3 PM and just keep on snowing through the afternoon rush hour - making it last until 8 PM. It's coming and we all know it. I only hope that those unskilled drivers prepare. I hope that the stupid drivers up their intelligence. I hope that I get my front tires replaced.

I also hope that you'll check out MinnPics. A home for all things photographic about Minnesota that likes when you check it out.

We're done as a society - and Tiger Woods is to blame

How worthless are we as Americans when we obviously over-obsess over pop culture? The top news stories locally on Sunday night were the Minnesota Vikings win and the Tiger Woods car crash. I'm sure there was probably something fluffy about how retailers fared over the long shopping weekend as people pissed away a month's salary on a 94" LCD TV for themselves.

A few days later we are still overly obsessed about Tiger Woods. Wow, a sports star nailed a couple of blonde sluts on the side while his old lady was at home with their kid. He got busted. While it won't end his career or even effect any of his huge endorsement deals, it will be remembered. But it's not like he killed somebody. By doing some quick math, I have figured out that 43% of professional athletes eventually have extra-marital affairs. Some get found out, others keep hittin' that every time they visit that particular city. It's just an extrapolation of why half of all marriages end in divorce. I blame breast implants and arguments over who's going to do the dishes.

I wrote this for two reasons: I am sick and damn tired of hearing about Tiger Woods - I get it, he's a phenomenol golfer who totally fucked up and I am blown away at how stupid Americans must be that they have to Google the word "transgressions". The majority of Americans must be 6th grade dropouts or have been raised my a steady diet of Nickelodeon and video games because for "transgressions" to be the second-most searched-for-term is just sad.

As further proof, below is the top 25 Google Trends (current as 3 PM today)

1.tiger woods affair
2.transgressions
3.jaimee grubbs pics
4.kalika moquin pictures
5.jamie grubbs pictures
6.transgressions definition
7.meredith baxter
8.nancy locke
9.tiger woods text messages
10.tiger woods official website
11.tool academy jaimee grubbs
12.standing with hope
13.us weekly tiger woods
14.enneagon
15.mary dell abate
16.family ties
17.nancy locke meredith baxter
18.wtoc
19.tiger woods cheated on wife
20.michelle obama ape
21.chris matthews enemy camp
22.pacquiao vs mayweather
23.tool academy season 1
24.willie martinez fired
25.david birney

And if you're in a clicking mood and are also tired of all things Tiger Woods and Meredith Baxter, check out the fabulous photos at MinnPics.

Scott County to give property owners a "shocker"

Normally I wouldn't participate in pointing out unfortunate phrases which, when read by me, have an entirely different meaning but a story about property taxes in the rather cash-rich Twin Cities county escalating for "fake" farm owners caught my eye.

In one extreme case -- a "shocker," in the words of County Auditor Cindy Geis --
annual property taxes will skyrocket from about $5,000 to nearly $40,000.

See, right there, the County Auditor plans on delivering a shocker. If you're unfamiliar with the definition, here it is.

The act of inserting 2 fingers into the vaginal opening (normally the index and
middle fingers), and 1 into the anus (normally the "pinky" finger). This is
usually performed when she is laying back, in the "deep thrust" postion (see
"deep thrust" for more hardcore info). Commonly described a numerous number of
ways, e. g. 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink; two in the grass one in the ass; two
in the slut one in the butt; two in the koot, one in the boot; goin to town with
one in the brown; and many more, this method of sexual gratification is one
sought out by people of all levels.

So, you can see my confusion. Are some land owners going to be penetrated or receive a tax hike. Yeah, I know that the answer is clearly spelled out in the story but it's more fun to let the imagination run wild.