3 things to remember when you get older

Every day we probably all think of things that we should remember down the road a stretch. But how many of us actually remember those bits of information for a later date? In lieu of taking actual notes, I though I'd put those wise bits of information right here for all to see.

You can never tell your children something too many times.
SUre, you're going to come off as a broken record when you tell them, for the twentieth time, that it's not safe to hitch a ride with a stranger unless they have a sharp knife or can of mace close at hand but beating some words of wisdom into a child's brain is better than finding out that they've spent four long months in the bottom of Buffalo Bill's well in his creepy sex dungeon. It's just common sense. Oh, and don't take candy from strangers.

Your kid(s) will have premarital sex.
You did it too so don't think you're better than everyone else. If you think that your teenager isn't already fooling around in their car, in the local cemetery, in a deserted barn or underneath the bleachers at their high school's football field you are fooling yourself. Talk to your kid about sex. Yeah, it's gonna be hella awkward and you'll probably find yourself alluding to bumble bees or bananas but it sure beats that excruciating weekend you had back in 11th grade when you waited for your girlfriend's Aunt Flow to come-a-knocking.

It's never too early to think about your own death.
Get a plan together. Your own death is nothing fun to plan for and yes, you have to pay even to die but it's part of the circle of life (or death in this case) so at least have a list of who gets what. I know that everyone in your family will be fighting over the rights to take home that killer collector plate that says you did in fact tackle the biggest burger in the west and won.

Amy Winehouse: the ticking time bomb

When I heard via a friend's smart phone late Saturday evening that Amy Winehouse had been found dead, I made some off-color remark about her death. You'd have to be an idiot if you didn't see her death coming from a mile away. Hell, I'm surprised that she held on this long. I had her in my death pool as far back as 2008.

But nobody at 27 years old deserves to die. It's sad to think that she peaked years earlier after winning a couple of Grammys for "Rehab" which was both catchy and an ode to her defiant, booze- and drug-fueled lifestyle. She had a ton of potential as an artist. Unfortunately she was surrounded with enablers.



To see that former druggie Russell Brand referred to Amy Winehouse as a "Fucking genius" may very well be true. It's just that, outside of her Grammy-winning "Rehab", we never saw that genius. Instead, we were treated to photos of her looking like death's sick cousin. Winehouse was often photographed wearing lingerie in public -- looking like she had no idea where she even was. She sported a tattoo in script that read "Blake" which was like a love note for her on-again off-again boyfriend Blake Fielder Civil. Sadly, their love of drugs was far stronger than their love for each other but when you're both fucked out of your minds on heroin you only care about your next fix and surpassing the high of the last one. Hell, it was pretty obvious that drugs were what kept them together and tore them apart and it is a decent guess that she died of a heroin overdose. I'll be shocked if the cause of death is something else.

It seems to me that, at least in part, Amy Winehouse didn't want to be helped. Maybe she was one of those types that felt that the heroin brought her creativity. Maybe Winehouse felt that the world would be better without her -- a sort of inferiority complex. Maybe she simply liked to tempt fate as reckless rock stars sometimes do. Whatever the case, she joined the 27 club this weekend along with the likes of Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.

As one writer put it this weekend, "Why couldn't it have been Pete Doherty who died instead?"

Charlie Sheen will be dead within the year?

No matter how hard he apparently tries to wipe himself from the face of the Earth, Charlie Sheen simply won't go the fuck away. Whether it's weekend-long cocaine benders or drinking more booze in a day that most Irish villages consume in a decade, Charlie Sheen just won't get his drunk ass out of the spotlight.

Of course it all sort of came to a head last week when he called out his show's (Two and a Half Men) creator/producer Chuck Lorre as taking advantage of him. Of course that wasn't enough for the likely crazy and/or coked-up Sheen -- he went on to reveal Chuck Lorre's Hebrew name (in a rather ethnic-clurry kind of way) as Chaim Levine. The jury's still out on whether or not that part's even true but he ventured down the Mel Gibson Expressway with a borderline ethnic slur. And so what if Lorre changed his name for showbiz purposes -- Charlie Sheen's real name is actually Carlos Estevez. But crazy druggie Charlie Sheen wasn't done yet, he of course had to drag Warner Brother TV Studio into this. They were responsible for shutting down production of Two and a Half Men last week but Sheen accused them of profiting wildly from the immensely successful show which Sheen stars in.

Outside of the obvious reasoning that businesses exist to profit wildly from their employees, this isn't really news. Sheen receives in excess of $1.25 million per episode of Two and a Half Men so unless he spending that much on cocaine 24 times each year (that would be ALOT of blow) he is rather handsomely rewarded for his twenty-two minutes of acting each week for approximately half of the year.

But why is this news? Why does it effect me?

It's the ever-present, mind-numbing analysis of nearly every step of those who entertain the masses. It's supposedly news because we like a good trainwreck. It's a twisted way to think of things but plenty of people love to see someone famous self-destruct. Sure, the Dr. Phils of the world are standing by, eager to help the oh-so-troubled stars and starlets because they are so fucking important to the world as a whole. Here's a newsflash -- THEY AREN'T IMPORTANT AT ALL. How many big name stars made a huge impact on our TV-centered culture in the past five decades and just as quickly as they became popular, they faded into obscurity?

Even more important is why do I care? I care because, like so many others, I like to see the undeservingly privileged destroy themselves. Sheen, who seems to live out a sort of autobiography as a sex and booze addicted slacker in coastal southern California on Two and a Half Men, has this coming to him. I'd like nothing more that for his show to fall off the radar. He frolicks around with prostitutes and porn stars yet claims to love his family. He has beaten his wife and girlfriends in the past yet claims to be a family man who loves and provides for them. He is the worst type of hypocrite and while the supporting cast and crew of his CBS sitcom don't deserve the unemployment line, this needs to be the end of Charlie Sheen because the mere mention of his name both infurates and intensely interests me. I hate him because he's not acting, he's just being himself but I love seeing his death spiral.

The pigs are coming to kill us

Apparently now we have one more thing to worry about. The swine flu. I'm not totally clear on this latest epidemic backed my a ton of media hype but here are the basics.

1.) If you have swine (pigs) sharing space with you in your living quarters, please move them to your basement or garage. Swine make excellent dwelling companions but spooning with them while sleeping is not recommended.

2.) Consumption of pork is fine as long as it is cooked at least to medium-rare. A warm, pink center (and what guy doesn't want that?) is the preferred level of doneness for all of your pork consumption needs.

3.) Fornication with swine should cease immediately. You'll be clear to resume your pig-fucking activities within mere weeks. Until that time, may I suggest a subscription to Naked Piggy Monthly.

4.) Blame China. China is the source of every scourge to land on our shores in the past decade or more. Think of it. Those damn Asian beetles? From China. The Emerald Ash Borer? From China. Lead-tainted toys? From China. The Daewoo brand of both cars and electronics? Pretty sure from China.

The best course of action is to ball yourself up in the fetal position and pray for mercy from our swine overlords. Or just check out MinnPics and drool over the purty photos.

A real-life Minnesota leprechaun

The only story I clicked on the local bankrupt newspaper website happened to be about the husband of a woman I used to work with. I had never met her husband but she often told tales of his job as a grave digger. She had some hippie-esque qualities and I knew that her husband was Irish. Upon seeing his photo and quickly reading through the story of the southern Minnesota Leprechaun-looking guy whose job is making the final resting place for dozens of rural Minnesotans in my old neck of the woods each year I felt a connection.

Tom Donnelly digs graves in the countryside between Austin and Albert Lea in and near towns like Clarks Grove, Blooming Prairie and Hayward. I could go on with listing the small towns where he digs graves in the blazing sun or numbing cold. This is the sort of personal storytelling that newspapers need. It's not a happy-clappy type of story but it focuses on a rather unique job and connects that job to a unique person and it's timely based on today being St. Patrick's Day.

Check out MinnPics and see what local St. Patrick's Day festivities looked like through the lens.

Losing a loved (Indie 103 point) one

Anyone that truly knows me knows that I'm an alternative music geek. I love it and can't get enough of it. Maybe that makes me a bit of a junkie instead. Whatever the case is, as physical radio stations go, alternative radio's track record in the area of longevity sucks. A five-year lifespan is considered a millenium because music trends are always evolving and the stations often times are stuck in whatever sub-niche of alternative music they began their life as and can no longer grow which leads to their demise. Oh, yeah, and the fact that alternative music tends to attract a younger and less affluent demographic makes it tougher to sell advertising makes it hard for even the most devoted corporation to stick to the format.

Enough boring tech insider speak. Whatever the case is, I've been a fan of more than a few alternative radio stations that met a rather untimely end.

The first I truly grew attached to was The Spy (KSYY) from, of all places, Oklahoma City. I think this one lasted about two years, maybe fewer. From there I grew to love bands like The Postal Service, Frou Frou and The New Pornographers. I still have songs from these relatively unknown greats on my iPod in somewhat heavy rotation.

Before that was 97X (WOXY) from Oxford, Ohio (near Cincinatti). I had listened to that gem of a station since the late 90s. It played all kinds of obscure shit and it had loyal owners, loyal talent and tons of loyal fans. However, when money too big to ignore came calling, the owners took it. They realized that a mom & pop operation had no place and would be unable to compete in today's world. I stayed up late on their last night on the air listening to their online stream as the DJ played their last song (which was its first too) by U2 - Sunday, Bloody Sunday.

More recently and definitely more local was the loss of the longest running alternative station Minneapolis, The Twin Cities and Minnesota had seen. Drive 105 was what it was. It was weak both in power and music but if you could plow through the dreck it wasn't half bad. It served its purpose for the corporate overlords at ABC and they did play some local music. The last song played - Say it Ain't So by Weezer, is a definite must hear on my iPod.

Then there's the latest victim to fall due to the alternative radio curse.

Indie 103.1 in Los Angeles was amazing. It never should have lasted for the just over five years it did. It had everything against it that one could imagine. Ownership, signal and a huge and well-known competitor. Even with the deck stacked against them they survived. Indie quickly became the hip station for celebrities. Zach Braff, in advance of his Garden State movie, took over for an entire day and played his favorites as he interviewed artists and actors from his movie. Henry Rollins, Dave Navarro, Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols, Dicky Barrett of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and Rob Zombie all had specialty shows on the station. The hot as hell Suicide Girls had a late-night advice show and the music was very indie. Early on, the mohawk-clad TK would play a Frank Sinatra track each afternoon. Yeah, they were that cool. The new music, though, set trends. Songs they played first would often times break across the country months later and be huge. They seemed to have a knack to find music that would be the next cool thing. Oh, not to mention that they were playing some cool new Prince tracks. Why'd you leave us Indie? Oh well, I'll have to add My Way to my iPod because that seems to be the eventual only place for decent and adventurous music.

Then today, at Noon central time, it ended. I caught the last hour or so with the airstaff saying their goodbyes and staying in good humor while doing so. Then came My Way by Frank Sinatra. The personalities are gone. Replaced by a Mexican music jukebox format. Thank God for streaming because for the time being Indie 103.1 lives on in its online format so catch this gem while you can. (more info here and here)

And if music is your thing, check out MinnPics because from time to time I'll feature something relevant to the Minnesota music scene.

Because nobody's reading, here's my top five

Welcome, scant few readers, to this yea'rs summary of the top five posts here at A Day in the Life. It's been a strange and glorious year. 2008 had the Summer Olympics in Beijing, China. It also had a ton of increasingly insane ramblings during the summer months from yours truly. Then in April I coyly announced the impending birth of our first child. In November I asked for names and in mid-November she graced us with her presence. Oh, many points were awarded throughout the year because I'm a generous fellow. And as 2009 approaches, I am seriously considering invoking some sort of rule where I can take the points back much like a large company buying back their stock because, yes, even blogs are facing tough economic times and even facing bankruptcy.

But truly, you're here to see what the five most-clicked posts were here at Minnesota's home for random nothingness with a soul of stone, A Day in the Life. Without further ado, here we go...

#1 From camel toe to nipples, the olympics are the place
I covered the 2008 summer Olympics like a fucking blanket and in my thinking back to gymnasts with their suits too tight and bodies covered in sweat, some things, like camel toe and visible nippage, are inevitable. It was done purely as a joke in my attempt to mock the Olympics but apprently the world is full of perverts, all of whom landed here, and generated literally hundreds of thousands of page views. Thanks pervs, your traffic translated to about two bucks right here in my still empty pockets.

#2 I'm on camel toe patrol
Oddly enough, as I pored through the thousands of photos available at the NBC Olympics website, I caught zero instances of visible camel toe. Maybe the gymnasts and their Olympic cohorts are using some sort of camel toe avoiding powder or spray but their spandex suits just weren't sucking up into their most intimate of places. It still generated a fuckload of traffic which proves the relevance of the Olympic games... for perverts.

#3 Welcome to China, nipple capital of the world
Yes, three of my top five posts were about a mish-mash of nipples, camel toe and the Olympics. This is where I finally dished on some of the nippage photos I unearthed. The U.S. Women's Beach Volleyball duo of Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor provided most of the material as they were probably the most photographed athletes in Beijing. Again, thanks to the perverts across these fine United States for making August a huge month!

#4 Mix American Diner, Chaska, MN
If restaurant reviews work at Lazy Lighting, why not for me? I did just one restaurant review this year and even without photos, people read it. The decor of Mix American Diner in Chaska is, for lack of a better word, awesome. If only their early attempts at food had matched. With prices truly sky high during my June (I think) visit, I was truly disappointed. Pick a damn identity, already. Your food screams diner while your prices outpace those of a chain such as Olive Garden. Hey, with the economy the way it is I'd encourage anyone still reading this to give the downtown Chaska diner a shot because I've heard that they have adjusted prices and now actually include french fries with meals deserving of them.

#5 A blog post about blogging for bloggers
I can't take anything seriously but I am also a wealth of information. That combination is what spawned this post inspired by this post. Two parts humor, one part self-deprecation, three parts untruths, mix thoroughly and keep it short. Plenty of folks read it and maybe this re-pimping of it will bring people back. Or not.

Of course, as the year draws to a close and the world crumbles around us, there's some housekeeping duties left to tend to. I still have to update all of you who don't give a crap about the 2008 Death Pool. I'm fairly certain that not a damn one of those listed on the death pool kicked it but there are probably some candidates on that list worthy of being on 2009's Death Pool.

How could I forget about something I'm actually proud of? In July I launched MinnPics because I am at least an amateur photographer and I am truly inspired by alot of what I see posted by Minnesotans on Flickr. It's going slowly but steadily as I recently added a MinnPics Flickr pool and am always looking at other ways to make this little pet of mine something more. So after you sober up, check out MinnPics because right now I'm doing a year-end wrap-up of sorts with photos and would love to have you join the Flickr pool and contribute your amazing photos to it.