Every day we probably all think of things that we should remember down the road a stretch. But how many of us actually remember those bits of information for a later date? In lieu of taking actual notes, I though I'd put those wise bits of information right here for all to see.
You can never tell your children something too many times.
SUre, you're going to come off as a broken record when you tell them, for the twentieth time, that it's not safe to hitch a ride with a stranger unless they have a sharp knife or can of mace close at hand but beating some words of wisdom into a child's brain is better than finding out that they've spent four long months in the bottom of Buffalo Bill's well in his creepy sex dungeon. It's just common sense. Oh, and don't take candy from strangers.
Your kid(s) will have premarital sex.
You did it too so don't think you're better than everyone else. If you think that your teenager isn't already fooling around in their car, in the local cemetery, in a deserted barn or underneath the bleachers at their high school's football field you are fooling yourself. Talk to your kid about sex. Yeah, it's gonna be hella awkward and you'll probably find yourself alluding to bumble bees or bananas but it sure beats that excruciating weekend you had back in 11th grade when you waited for your girlfriend's Aunt Flow to come-a-knocking.
It's never too early to think about your own death.
Get a plan together. Your own death is nothing fun to plan for and yes, you have to pay even to die but it's part of the circle of life (or death in this case) so at least have a list of who gets what. I know that everyone in your family will be fighting over the rights to take home that killer collector plate that says you did in fact tackle the biggest burger in the west and won.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Nobody will miss George Lopez
In the suddenly cluttered world of late-night talk shows, there isn't much of an audience. Of course there are the regular viewers such as college students, second-shift workers, prostitutes with time between tricks, insomniacs, drug addicts and senior citizens who get up REALLY early but in the grand scheme of things those aren't truly huge numbers. And none of those segments of the population are going to sit through two or more hours of late-night talk shows. Especially when you factor in all of the late-night talk show choices. There's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Conan O'Brien, The Colbert Report, David Letterman, Nightline, Jay Leno, Chelsea Handler's Chelsea Lately, Jay Leno's Tonight Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson and Last Call with Carson Daly.
Throw George Lopez in the mix and that adds up to a whopping 14 late-night talk/comedy show options. Even for a couch potato with a drug habit and insomnia that's overload. Most working-class folks are in bed, at the latest, by 11 PM (here in the central time zone, at least) and that leaves, at the mmost, an hour of late-night viewing potential. The simple fact is that people are still hard-wired to think that only the big three networks have late-night talk show options. Yeah, Conan's departure from NBC at least helped a few people to remember that the little cable outlet TBS has late-night talk as well but habits are hard to change.
I, for one, love Conan's style of entertainment but I almost always forget he's even an option. Out of habit, I flip my TV to WCCO and start getting ready for bed. I can count the number of times on one hand that I've remembered that Conan is on at 10 PM also. That fact alone said that, unless TBS was willing to lose money to keep an original program on the air, George Lopez's Lopez Tonight was destined for cancellation.
With tonight being the final episode of Lopez Tonight, I truly doubt that even a sliver of the population will miss his show in a month. Nobody will miss George Lopez beause nobody knew he was even on TV. Sadly, I can see Conan meeting the same fate in a year or two unless either Letterman or Leno retires. There just ins't enough audience at 10 PM or 10:30 PM who are willing to stick around for a complete hour of talk and comedy.
Throw George Lopez in the mix and that adds up to a whopping 14 late-night talk/comedy show options. Even for a couch potato with a drug habit and insomnia that's overload. Most working-class folks are in bed, at the latest, by 11 PM (here in the central time zone, at least) and that leaves, at the mmost, an hour of late-night viewing potential. The simple fact is that people are still hard-wired to think that only the big three networks have late-night talk show options. Yeah, Conan's departure from NBC at least helped a few people to remember that the little cable outlet TBS has late-night talk as well but habits are hard to change.
I, for one, love Conan's style of entertainment but I almost always forget he's even an option. Out of habit, I flip my TV to WCCO and start getting ready for bed. I can count the number of times on one hand that I've remembered that Conan is on at 10 PM also. That fact alone said that, unless TBS was willing to lose money to keep an original program on the air, George Lopez's Lopez Tonight was destined for cancellation.
With tonight being the final episode of Lopez Tonight, I truly doubt that even a sliver of the population will miss his show in a month. Nobody will miss George Lopez beause nobody knew he was even on TV. Sadly, I can see Conan meeting the same fate in a year or two unless either Letterman or Leno retires. There just ins't enough audience at 10 PM or 10:30 PM who are willing to stick around for a complete hour of talk and comedy.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
How much do you pee in a year?
I have a ton of random thoughts in the course of a day and I know I could easily Google the answer for this question but reading as I break down the variables which lead to an answer is much, much more fun.
I figure I pee about 7 times each day. On weekends it's less, maybe 6. Chalk that up to not being within walking distance of a cold water dispenser. Sure, if I'm home I'm probably closer to my drinking water spigot but I like water from my Brita water pitcher and that requires filling it so I probably end up a bit under-hydrated on the weekends. The total number of times I estimate that I pee in the course of a week is 47. That's a lot of flushes.
But the quantity of pee from those 47 trips to ye olde piss trough is still missing. If I had to guess I'd estimate that I piss out about 1.5 ounces each trip (1 1/2 tablespoons). If you extrapolate that out over 52 weeks the end result is a whopping 229.125 GALLONS of pee in the course of a year.
The number I had in my head before I set out to write this was approximately 50 gallons. To give you a visual of what approximately 50 gallons is, envision a steel barrel. Those are commonly referred to (by my dad) as 55 gallon drums. He uses them to store used motor oil and burn trash in. But can you imagine, if you're freaky enough, saving your pee in those very same barrels and having 4 completely full barrels full of urine. To say that's alot of piss is an understatement.
And I haven't even figured in the occasional beer bash, St. Patrick's Day, Cinco De Mayo, Fourth of July, $3 dollar pitcher night and tailgating during football season. Factor the multitude of times each year that you drink in excess and seem to have to pee every 45 minutes and you are only increasing that yearly urine volume. It's disgusting but I have a feeling that my figures are eerily accurate.
I figure I pee about 7 times each day. On weekends it's less, maybe 6. Chalk that up to not being within walking distance of a cold water dispenser. Sure, if I'm home I'm probably closer to my drinking water spigot but I like water from my Brita water pitcher and that requires filling it so I probably end up a bit under-hydrated on the weekends. The total number of times I estimate that I pee in the course of a week is 47. That's a lot of flushes.
But the quantity of pee from those 47 trips to ye olde piss trough is still missing. If I had to guess I'd estimate that I piss out about 1.5 ounces each trip (1 1/2 tablespoons). If you extrapolate that out over 52 weeks the end result is a whopping 229.125 GALLONS of pee in the course of a year.
The number I had in my head before I set out to write this was approximately 50 gallons. To give you a visual of what approximately 50 gallons is, envision a steel barrel. Those are commonly referred to (by my dad) as 55 gallon drums. He uses them to store used motor oil and burn trash in. But can you imagine, if you're freaky enough, saving your pee in those very same barrels and having 4 completely full barrels full of urine. To say that's alot of piss is an understatement.
And I haven't even figured in the occasional beer bash, St. Patrick's Day, Cinco De Mayo, Fourth of July, $3 dollar pitcher night and tailgating during football season. Factor the multitude of times each year that you drink in excess and seem to have to pee every 45 minutes and you are only increasing that yearly urine volume. It's disgusting but I have a feeling that my figures are eerily accurate.
What's going on here?
In an effort of full disclosure, I thought I'd give anyone out there reading who gives a damn about the multitude of projects I have launched in the past an update on some of the cool things I'm currently working on.
Anyone who has followed me for a while knows that I'm a huge fan of photos -- especially those taken in Minnesota because that's where I live. If you're doubting me, just take a look at MinnPics and you'll see over three years of daily photo aggregation from a whole host of amazing photographers from all over Minnesota.
I've also dabbled with showcasing some of my own work on a couple Tumblr projects -- Minnesota River Flood and Minnesota River Valley. The first was a short-term project capturing photos of the 2011 spring flood along the Minnesota River and opining about the lack of response in the area where I live. The Minnesota River Valley photo project was much happier in tone and, while posting has been sporadic, I plan on holding on to both of these Tumblr blogs because it's part of who I am. Nothing is going to be going away right away but depending on what works and what doesn't, something might have to be sunsetted out of necessity. It's the sad reality but don't get down because the coolest things are yet to come.
But like everyone else, I am diversifying and playing on my strengths. In the next month (give or take a few weeks) I will be making a pretty cool addition to MinnPics. I'm also cooking up some more in-depth ideas for MinnPics too but those have additional hurdles which I am not ready to bite off quite yet.
My second project, and by far the most labor-intensive, is breathing life into something that foodies will particularly enjoy and probably non-foodies too. Without divulging too much, I'll simply state that this project, like my others, will have a uniquely Minnesotan flare to it.
The final project is reviving one which I haphazardly launched a few years ago but let shrivel up and dry. The difference now is that I have an actual plan for this new website and its reach will be broader and its purpose much more refined. It's all about something most everyone has used and I am rushing to get this one done. So much so that it's consuming the bulk of my free time at home.
Realistically I'm planning on having each of these three websites/website additions launched by October but some will debut later, others earlier. Rarely do I get hugely excited over the mere potential for my online projects because I'm a realist but I'm going to be hugely proud -- regardless of the level of success -- of this MinnPics addition. I should have done it a year ago but was finally prodded by my wife to make it a reality. The food-related project was hatched out of my own sense of humor but refined into something more logical and I'm already proud of the accomplishments being made. It's huge in the truest sense of the word. Think mountains of content.
But that's about all I'm willing to say. I'll have full details when the first website is launched but until then I'll be busy working behind the scenes making sure everything is functional. These are my newest babies and they're about to be born into an already crowded household and even more crowded online planet. I hope that they thrive.
Anyone who has followed me for a while knows that I'm a huge fan of photos -- especially those taken in Minnesota because that's where I live. If you're doubting me, just take a look at MinnPics and you'll see over three years of daily photo aggregation from a whole host of amazing photographers from all over Minnesota.
I've also dabbled with showcasing some of my own work on a couple Tumblr projects -- Minnesota River Flood and Minnesota River Valley. The first was a short-term project capturing photos of the 2011 spring flood along the Minnesota River and opining about the lack of response in the area where I live. The Minnesota River Valley photo project was much happier in tone and, while posting has been sporadic, I plan on holding on to both of these Tumblr blogs because it's part of who I am. Nothing is going to be going away right away but depending on what works and what doesn't, something might have to be sunsetted out of necessity. It's the sad reality but don't get down because the coolest things are yet to come.
But like everyone else, I am diversifying and playing on my strengths. In the next month (give or take a few weeks) I will be making a pretty cool addition to MinnPics. I'm also cooking up some more in-depth ideas for MinnPics too but those have additional hurdles which I am not ready to bite off quite yet.
My second project, and by far the most labor-intensive, is breathing life into something that foodies will particularly enjoy and probably non-foodies too. Without divulging too much, I'll simply state that this project, like my others, will have a uniquely Minnesotan flare to it.
The final project is reviving one which I haphazardly launched a few years ago but let shrivel up and dry. The difference now is that I have an actual plan for this new website and its reach will be broader and its purpose much more refined. It's all about something most everyone has used and I am rushing to get this one done. So much so that it's consuming the bulk of my free time at home.
Realistically I'm planning on having each of these three websites/website additions launched by October but some will debut later, others earlier. Rarely do I get hugely excited over the mere potential for my online projects because I'm a realist but I'm going to be hugely proud -- regardless of the level of success -- of this MinnPics addition. I should have done it a year ago but was finally prodded by my wife to make it a reality. The food-related project was hatched out of my own sense of humor but refined into something more logical and I'm already proud of the accomplishments being made. It's huge in the truest sense of the word. Think mountains of content.
But that's about all I'm willing to say. I'll have full details when the first website is launched but until then I'll be busy working behind the scenes making sure everything is functional. These are my newest babies and they're about to be born into an already crowded household and even more crowded online planet. I hope that they thrive.
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