Which whipped cream is best for Valentine's Day fun?

Last night as I laid down in bed, I though of whipped cream. That, of course, led me to laugh a bit and that single thought about whipped cream led me to write this.

It all began a couple weeks ago when I bought a quart of Kemps whipping cream. A dessert I was making called for it and I fully intended to make this particular dessert by the books. Well, after making that dessert and another dessert this week I was left with more than half of the original quart of Kemps whipping cream. The question in my head was this: do I continue making desserts which call for whipped cream or do I find another, more fun way to use this whipped cream.

It's widely know that some women like to show off a whipped cream bikini for their significant other but that usually involves an aerosol can of Redi-Wip of some equivalent of that particular brand. It could be for ease of use or it could be for texture but the aerosol whipped cream is the go-to choice for not just whipped cream bikinis but for other various forms of sex play which is best carried out on a washable tarp or rubber bed sheets.

I'm thrifty though so I wondered if anyone has ever whipped up a bowl full of whipped cream made from a quart container of Kemps whipping cream. What's the process there? Does the gentleman spoon generous heaps of whipped cream on to his significant other's lady bits? I have to think that the woman in this scenario would likely be turned off not only by her man's thriftiness but by the awkward vision of the whole thing.

There's absolutely nothing erotic about someone holding a wooden spoon full of whipped cream, piling mountains of it on to another's body. Sure, home-whipped whipped cream is straight-up delicious but it doesn't have the cling factor of its aerosol sibling. There are multiple items involved with distributing the non-aerosol whipped cream. First off you'd likely have a metal mixing bowl of whipped cream on the nightstand. Then there's the whole matter of the giant wooden spoon to transfer the whipped cream from the bowl to the quivering, anxious lady bits. It's gonna get messy and that whipped cream is probably just going to slide off her lady bits as it comes in contact with her 98.6 degree skin. You'd either have to use the spoon or your hands to distribute the whipped cream in to anything resembling a bikini form. Again, not erotic at all. Plus in this scenario, the creation of the whipped cream bikini from something akin to Kemps whipping cream becomes a two-person operation.

While the whipped cream made from Kemps whipping cream may be better used for straight-up foreplay in a more horizontal setting, it's still going to be awkward and you, as the man in the relationship, are going to come across as cheap and probably both awkward and stupid. For this Valentine's Day, I recommend sticking with the tried and true Redi-Wip and, for once, spend a bit more for a superior and more versatile product.